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Monday, April 30, 2007

"Tο Χρυσό Κουφέτο" στο MSN...

Ναι. Στα 38 μου,το εζησα και αυτο!!!

A while ago a messenger contact of mine asked me to accept his cousin as a new contact as well on my messenger. "Γιατι;" i asked. He answered that his cousin was around my age (τι εχει το age μου by the way???) and thought it would be a good idea to 'meet' internetically.

i was not at all keen on the whole idea.."Δεν ειμαι σε τετοια φαση βρε" του ελεγα αλλα αυτος επεμενε μεχρι που με εσκασε πραγματικα and i gave in with a heavy heart. By the way, my contact told me that his cousin was a really interesting person and we would have a lot of things to chat about.how does the Greek saying go?'οπου ακους για πολλα κερασια,κρατα μικρο καλαθι'?καπως ετσι νομιζω..I'm not that sure but it fits the situation.i was carrying a small basket from the beginning..

The next day i saw a new add request on my messenger. The nickname hit me.

******kos...(the name will be withheld for personal reasons..for fear he might come back that is!! )

After that first shock, i (reluctantly) accepted his add. Shock two came in a while. " κοριτσαρα μου τι κανεις?" he asked at once.

Pause from my side of the screen..i was still looking at the picture of the thirty something year old man,with the 'φραχτη like' κομμωση (you know the one where the hair stands straight up in the air all around the head as if it's a fence of some kind..probably trying to protect the unknown creatures inhabiting the scalp from leaving..i know i know..I'm being bitchy..humour me please!!). Apart from his looks,there was a picture of Stelios Kazantzidhs in the background..mistake..not a picture..a wall to wall poster of him. Don't get me wrong..i have no problem with Stellara (may he rest in peace)but the combination of the poster,the hair,the thick gold chain around his neck and the Joe Weider φανελακι with *****kos's huge muscles bulging out kind of took me by surprise. this was not my type of man at all! i was also wondering how my msn-contact thought i would have so many common points with this *****akos since so far,things didn't look too bright from where i was sitting but i decided to be open minded and continue the conversation.

I answered of course after being directed as 'κοριτσαρα μου,μαναρι μου, μωρο μου ατελειωτο μου' και ολα αυτα (χωρις να με εχει δει φυσικα..μαλλον αυτα 'φαινονται' απο τον τροπο που γραφω,ε???) 'Yπομονη' μου ειπα και συνεχιζα though i was already trying to figure out my strategy to get rid of him without seeming toο hard. I asked him a typical question that we all ask someone we don't know at all..'Τι μουσικη ακους ******ακο?'(επεμενε να τον φωναζω ετσι..βιτσιο μαλλον..) and of course he answered me 'λαικα,σκυλαδικα και r&b......' i stopped typing and just sat there in front of the screen..wondering..I can understand the first two but please tell me where does the r&b fit in???? περι ορεξεος(or is it ορεξεως?damn greek spelling!!!) κολοκυθοπιτα και μετα απο λιγο με ρωτησε φυσικα και μενα την ιδια ερωτηση.

Ι decided to put my plan into progress and try to get rid of ******ακουλινι (ετσι μου ειπε να τον φωναζω πια μιας και ενοιωθε TOΣΟ ανετα μαζι μου μετα απο τρεις προτασεις που ανταλλαξαμε..ωρες ωρες αναρωτιεμαι για εσας τους ανδρες αλλα anyways...)I answered him that i of course only listened to death and black metal(which is a lie)and nothing Greek. 'Μαλιστα' απαντησε..καλο σημαδι αυτο σκεφτηκα..το μαλιστα παντα δειχνει πως καποιος δεν συμφωνει η δεν του αρεσει κατι αλλα επειδη ειναι ευγενικος,δεν στο λεει καταμουτρα.

Next question. I asked him where he prefers to go for fun. the answer was expectable. "Σε σκυλαδικα φυσικα και στα μπουζουκια κοπελαρα μου διμετρη.εσυ?¨(i'm actually 173 but i must 'seem' taller through my writing or something..δεν με χαλαει..δεν με χαλαει..) Τι να εκανα τωρα?παρα ητανε ευκολα τα πραγματα! i answered that i only go to some underground bars in Εξαρχια και στο Αν Club..naturally!!!(εκει παω που και που αρα δεν ητανε και πολυ μαγαλο το ψεμα,ετσι δεν ειναι?)

His answer? 'μαλιστα...'

Victory was close..i could feel it..but because i am more times than not a good person,i started feeling a bit mean and thought I'd give him a chance..maybe he wasn't as bad as i thought he was(i doubted it but anyways!) so i asked him another question..an easy one..'Τι σ'αρεσει να κανεις στον ελευθερο σου χρονο *****ακo?(ακομη το κανονικο του ονομα δεν μου το ειχε πει!!) και περιμενω την απαντηση του καθως τoν εβλεπα να την γραφει και σκεφτομoυνα ποσο αδικη και κακοπιστη που ημουνα μαζι του..the answer came then..

'οταν δεν γυμναζω το κορμι μου κοριτσαρα μου,κανω σεξ..ατελειωτο σεξ...εσυ?'

'αααα...εγω???? μπαααα...προτιμω να κοιμαμαι' του απαντησα και ειπα ενα γρηγορα 'χαρηκα αλλα πρεπει να παω να κανω μπανιο τωρα' και 'καλο βραδυ' and hurried off the messenger and deleted him at once. that was that.

το προξενιο μεσω msn was short lived luckily..this must be the new kind of blind dates we used to have when i was young..i suppose these kinds have their advantage though..they're faster and easier to get out of..i think..i'm not sure yet..the only thing i can say for now is..

next please... ;-))))

10 added their thoughts to the pile:

Love & Poison said...

Να χαίρεσαι τους φίλους σου...Για να ΜΗ πω τπτ χειρότερο...

ggk said...

Χαχαχαχαχαχα! Πολύ καλό!!!
Πρώτη φορά ακούω για προξενιό μέσω msn. Πάνε οι εποχές που βγαίναμε έξω ολόκληρη παρέα 10 ατόμων για να γνωριστούνε 2. Χαχαχαχα!

Pan said...

More than impressive! I've heard it happening but it was the first time somebody actually described it!

P.S.: love & poison is more than right!

tzotza said...

@ggk...
now it's funny...then it wasn't that much as i remember it!!thank god it had a happy ending!!! ;-))))

@love & posion...
kind as always dear!!!! ;-)))

@pan...
yes pan,these things actually happen on the net!!

μη χασεις!!!αμεσως να συμφωνησεις με το love & poison!! it's this 'male bonding' thing!!! ;-))))

Pan said...

Just so happens that i had no idea who l&p was! I went to his house after you wrote he's a male!
Come on, your friend should know better.

tzotza said...

@pan..
technically he should have if he was a friend..but he wasn't so the misjudgement of character is understandable. anyways,i just look back at this from the funny side of it..it's easier that way!!

Σπύρος Σεραφείμ said...

προξενιό μέσω msn? χααχχαχα
ας πρόσεχες!

lote alcarin said...

Hello και από τα μέρη μας! Από εδώ δηλαδή! Πρώτον θέλω να σου πω πόσο χάρηκα που υπάρχουν και άλλοι που γράφουν μεγάλα ποστς. Big relief! Επίσης να πω πως είναι ορέξεως. Επίσης να πω πως γέλασα πάρα πολύ, και έχω πάθει και αντίστοιχο! Και για τέλος νομίζω η εικόνα μαλλί φράκτης-αλυσίδα-στέλλιος, θα στοιχειώσει για πάντα την μνήμη μου σαν κακός εφιάλτης. Να ' σαι καλά!!!

tzotza said...

@lote alcarin..
welcome from this side of the edge as well!!! thank you for your correcting me!!!(damn language as ive said before!!!;-))))
and yes..i do write LONG posts too!!(to many people's horror!!!)
as for the nitemare..too bad i cant show you a picture of the REAL thing!!!that would definately keep you up at nights!!!!

Socrates said...

Every man would like to have sex with an attractive woman, or, to put it better, to feel and experience her soft beauty. Methods and approaches are only differing. Others are rude and crude, and others are polite and subtle.Tzotza, love men tenderly! They are so sensitive and fragile inside..
Μα τι μου λες τώρα;Οι άντρες; Αυτά τα.. κτήνη; Δεν τρέχει τίποτα. Εξαιρέσεις είναι...