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Friday, April 20, 2007

"Καλώς Τους..."

THEY're back...

i thought i had put THEM away...

i thought i had folded them all away and put them in my closet...far in the back...where they couldn't get all mixed up and in a mess again..where i wouldn't see them and so i wouldn't have to deal with THEM again...

wrong though...

just like in my closet..nothing remains folded and organized for a long time...i always have a way of turning everything upside down..

so what was neatly tucked away in the back..

is right in front of my face again..

THEM...

i thought that we had made a pack..a secret agreement that that was IT..
that whatever we had decided was settled and that's the way things would be from now on..

THEY didn't keep their part of the decision though...

and now THEY'RE here again keeping me up at nights...

and I'm looking at my cell phone again expectantly...not exactly sure what i want to see...

not exactly sure what exactly it is i want..again..

this makes me so angry though!!!

why do THEY do these things to me?? why do i let them??

but now that THEY'RE back..they'll be here to 'torture' me a bit..

and i'll probably go through many more sleepless nights..

and i'll let myself think different things again...go through all the different situations that I've already gone through so many times before...

and because I'm such a sucker i'll remember less this time..remember less of the bad things that have happened...pain does have a way of leaving my mind..it's sometimes so shitty not to be able to keep any kind of grudge..not to be able to put any kind of wall around yourself..even if it's just a small one..just for appearance sake..

all of this because THEY came back...

but who am i kidding??

I'm the one who brought THEM back..

my mind working in overtime did...

my heart having lost that certain 'beat' that used to be there...

damn seconds thoughts...

damn THEM...

Second thoughts...

who invited YOU to come back anyways???

4 added their thoughts to the pile:

Siddhartha said...

Θα ξαναμπούνε στην ντουλάπα οι σκέψεις. Έτσι γίνετε πάντα. Οι αναμνήσεις και η συνήθεια είναι αυτές που τις ξαναφέρνουν στο προσκήνιο, αλλά αργά ή γρήγορα, κι αυτό εξαρτάται από εσένα, θα ξαναμπούν στην ντουλάπα. Μην βιαστείς ή πιεστείς για να τις βάλεις. Όποτε αισθανθείς εσύ ότι πρέπει, τότε χώστες ξανά. Όσο για το κινητό, το οποίο καταλαβαίνω απόλυτα τί μαρτύριο είναι, κλείστο. Κι ας σε ψάχνουνε φίλοι κι ας σε ψάχνουνε από την δουλειά. Κλείστο και θα βρείς την ησυχία που θές...

Anasazi said...

Έχω έναν φόβο για τις ντουλάπες. Δεν είμαι πάντα σίγουρος αν θέλω να αντικρίσω όσα έχω καταχωνιάσει εκεί. Τρομακτικά πράγματα... Και μικρός αυτές φοβόμουν πιο πολύ, όταν έσβηνε το φως. Όχι το σκοτάδι, αλλά το τι μπορούσε να βγει από εκεί...

tinkerbell said...

Το θέμα είναι κατά πόσο σίγουρη είσαι για την απόφαση που πήρες. και για να έχεις second thoughts, δεν είσαι. Για ξανα ψάξου μια να δεις τι θες. γιατί το τι θες έχει σημασία. Αν ξέρεις τι θες, μπορείς και τον κόσμο να γυρίσεις ανάποδα... αν θέλεις.

tzotza said...

thanks everyone for your comments and advice..they all help in their own special way just so you know.

siddhartha:
το να το κλεισεις to κινητο ειναι ευκολο..το θεμα ειναι αν το θελω η οχι..εκει κολλαω..

anasazi:
i never sleep with the closet doors open...not even a bit..δεν μπορει να ειναι τυχαιο τί δειχνει αυτο..

tinkerbell:
as Voltaire said.."Doubt is uncomfortable.Certainty is rediculous."
Το λεω και εγω γιατι μαλλον στην κατασταση που ειμαι με βολευει and it's a great scapegoat..a good excuse to gain time i suppose...