Friday, April 13, 2007

My Sister and I...

Today is one of my sisters birthday. She is the second girl and the third in line of five children. As i was trying to decide what i was going to write for my post tonite, i suddenly understood that i have never written something about or for her so instead of writing about my insecurities and frustrations and whatever thoughts i have that can surely wait for another day, I'd like to paint a painting with words about my sister. My sister Peggy.

My sister and i are very unlike any way you look at us..from character and personality, to height and weight. She is not tall and she would be considered as delicately built.She has a very low profile as a person as well. You will rarely hear her talk either exceptionally loud or shout that way either. She rarely shows extreme sides in any kind of feeling.She is quite close to herself in her thoughts and i think that she prefers her own company to anyone else most of the time. Though she's turning thirty-five today,she is still easily passed for a twenty-five year old. When she was young, a teenager to be more exact, she would get extremely angry and annoyed when people used to think she was around twelve. At that age all we want is to look older anyways. Now that shes grown up a bit though,it doesn't seem to bother her anymore!

I wouldn't say that growing up was easy for my little sister. She was constantly compared to me by our parents and by our teachers. I felt quite guilty about this when i was young but didn't know what to do. I think that being the middle child must be the worst. You're not as old as to get all the priorities that parents distribute that way, and you re not as young to be the center of all the attention as is the case with the youngest children. This was how it was for her as well.

My sister and i always shared a bedroom. I remember uncountable nights when we were both young,when we used to hold hands since our beds were quite close to each other,til both of us fell asleep. I have fond memories of doing all the housework that my mom used to make us do an a daily basis together and we would pretend to act out roles so that the chores would seemingly appear to be more enjoyable. I also recall the hundreds of nights that i made her sleep with the light on since i was busy reading books or writing in my notebooks. She never complained. She never grumbled. Not even then and still not not.

I thank my sister for putting up with me all those years when i used to sleep with the radio plastered against my ear and slowly humming all my favourite songs til the early nights of the morning. I thank her for putting up with my obsession with Duran Duran, the Smiths and the Cure and for her giving me her closet space so i could tape up my favourite poster of Morrissey and Robert Smith since mine had already had one of Simon LeBon there. I thank her for hearing my continuous blabber about everything,from boys to music,diets and heartaches,at all times of the day and especially at night. I remember with nostalgia all the conversations we used to have at a whispers sound so that our mother would not hear a word of what we were saying. I was continuously getting into different situations and mostly into trouble and since she was the complete opposite,her views did get a bit of sense into me quite a few times. But mostly i remember the incredible laughs and laughter that we shared. Laughing until we cried with tears and rolled down on the ground. Many times we got ourselves into trouble because we couldnt stop ourselves from laughing.

I apologize to my dear sister though for having been the reason that there were always so many arguments in the house and her always trying to set things back into place in her own way and the endless times she kept me company when i was truly down. I apologize for having 'used' her many times in my different plans to out trick or outwit our parents to do what i wanted. I was always headstrong and got over whatever consequences i had to endure for my actions quite easily. For her however,it wasn't always that easy and many times she felt sad for quite a long time..mostly sad for me. I apologize to Peggy that i hadn't supported her as much as i should have when she did decide to get married one fine day so many years ago. I thought she was rushing and i only wanted to protect my little sister and i still remember the harsh words we had then exchanged. It was the first and only time we had ever truly argued. I just hope she understands that my intentions were not bad.

You know, my sister Peggy and i aren't as close as many other sisters are. We don't get into very personal matters easily,though occasionally it does happen. She's a bit strict about certain things and believes that i should act a bit more mature than i generally do. Maybe she's right sometimes. But even though she doesn't know it because I've never told her, i do admire my sister. Though she has been living under difficult circumstances these past years, she's managed to do it with a lot of self respect for herself and her family. She's made peace with herself and her decisions and lives calmly. This is something i wish i could have the ability to do many times with myself and not always be on a self discovery crusade that seems as if it will never end.

Happy birthday my dear know that i do love you though in our family we never express such words of sentiment. I could only wish you the very best that life has to offer and that you will always give me the honour of being by your side when you need me to because you know what? Ive always been there and will always be there, even if you never do need me...

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