Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Speaking with the Night

After a day of running back and forth, doing things left and right, being stuck in traffic for incredible amounts of wasted time, its finally evening and I'm finally alone with my thoughts. Its a great thing coming home from a full day,kicking your shoes off the minute you walk into the door and stripping all pieces of clothing as you head towards the shower and washing off all the pollution and dirt from on you. What a relief it is indeed!

Ive always believed that the day has been overrated. Too much emphasis has been given to what we 'have' to do during the light hours of the day. Most of us are on the run,trying to meet deadlines,trying to do as many things as we possibly can in a ten hour working day(who works for eight hours anymore anyways?), aiming to finish whatever it is we think we have to before the sun sets. Is it any wonder that we loose track of the time..of ourselves...of our thoughts?

I enjoy sitting up at night. There is a certain tranquility that you will never be able to find during the day. This tranquility however has nothing to do with the of lack noise that there is in the evening. There is something else that exists in the darkness of the hours. Now that i sit in front of my PC, all i can hear is the hum of the computer, an occasional murmur from one of my sleeping children and the soft sound of the CD that I've put in to listen to. But if i listen a bit more carefully and more closer, i will hear the sound of quietness. Quietness. This is the sound that lets me hear my thoughts. That allows me to hear my worries and insecurities..things that I'm too afraid to think about during the day. Quietness offers me the ability to enjoy the feeling of satisfaction from positive and rewarding things that have happened during the day.

All of my most important decisions have been made during the night. All of my tears and heartache I've felt most at night as well, when no one can see me and I'm naked in front of my own truth and my own thoughts. My most passioned moments have also taken place during this time,when there is no thing such as rules and boundaries..the night shares no such laws...

All of my three children's births all began in the small hours of the night as well,when i had in fact calmed and let the peace of everything around me settle into me as well...these events aren't just accidental or coincidental..they all happen for the same reason...its the night speaking to me...

I wish i had more strength to stay up more and enjoy the night, its gifts and conversations more and to the fullest, but the fatigue of the day is just more overpowering most of the time and gently, but steadily, it makes my eyelids close gradually and whatever will i do have left, slowly leaves me. The night however will take on another,different role now. It will cover itself around me, just like the soft,warm blanket that i cover myself with before i fall asleep. As i lay down on my pillow,i will concentrate on the darkness that surrounds me and the tranquility that has covered me and slowly, just like a baby that is slowly being put to sleep by a soft lullaby, i will also drift away..into sleep.. into my own personal night...

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