Sunday, April 1, 2007

Who is lied to in the end?

As it being April Fools Day today,I feel a bit summoned to write a few thoughts on the topic. The time is quite late in the evening (or early in the morning..take your pick) and it is at this time that I can hear my thoughts truly. The house is still and quiet and if i do concentrate on listening for a bit, I can hear my children's breathing as they peacefully sleep and dream of images that only children have the luxury of seeing.

I myself have gone through many stages of lying. Growing up with very authoritative parents, I found lying to my friends a comfort and a way to justify my parents illogical ideas on rearing children. I remember trying to find 'good excuses' for why my mother never let me go to any of my friend's birthday parties, or why it was that i could never bring home a friend to play with and the like. At that time, the lying became natural and it slowly began to be a part of my everyday existence. Actually it was a good escapism from the pressure that I felt.

Reaching adulthood and becoming more independent,I didn't 'need' to lie about anything to anyone anymore. The tremendous weight was finally lifted from my shoulders and a life without 'creative excuses' was indeed better than any other i had experienced before that and i continued this line of thinking in all my sides of life,professionally and personally. It had become something that i and those around me,were proud of.

However,things do have a way of changing on you and hold habits do die hard many times. During a 'rough' (to say it mildly) period in my life, I found lying again to be a good way of covering up mistakes and circumstances. This time though, it wasn't lying to friends or colleagues or even to family members. It was much worse and the consequences were completely the furthest thing from my head. I began to lie to myself. I was now both holding the knife and stabbing myself at the same time. Lying to myself and judging situations the way I wanted to see them may have brought domestic peacefulness for quite a long time, but personally speaking, I had indeed lost my own sense of self. So who was the greatest victim in that case? The one lying or the one being lied to? Unfortunately, the answer and the person was the same for both questions...

Why do people lie many times? The only just reason that i can say is that the truth is indeed too painful to come to grips with. I won't lie now and say that there haven't been quite a few times where i would have preferred to have been lied to rather than to have been given the raw truth. But then when i think about it sensibly, i do understand the fact that someone being honest with you is as rare as knowing someone who doesn't is indeed rare and precious....

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