Χρόνια Μου Πολλά!!Να Με Χαίρομαι!!

Most habits die hard.
Old habits die even harder i dare to say.
Today is my name's day.(yes,ετσι το λεμε στα αγγλικα αν και σε πολλες αλλες θρησκιες δεν υπαρχουνε ονομαστικες γιορτες...from what i know atleast..anyways..lucky bastards!!!)
This year though things are a bit different.
This year i don't have to worry about cleaning and getting the whole house in order because all the snooping relatives will come not only to wish me χρονια πολλα αλλα και να δουνε τι 'καλη' νοικοκυρουλα που ειμαι (which i am only when i want to..μου βγαινει το αντιδραστικο μου και εδω).

Really though, have you ever considered when people use your bathroom that they open all your cupboards to see what's in them? To see if you have anything 'hidden' behind the shower curtain like a load of laundry that you didn't have time to put up to dry or that didn't fit in the washing machine so you could hide it from all the curious eyes around?Or what about all the wardrobes and drawers in all the bedrooms?Under beds?Behind doors?Under the cushions of your couch?I just got a shiver with that one..(μου εχει τυχει γιαυτο και οταν εχεις τρια παιδια μπορεις να βρεις απιστευτα πραγματα χαμενα στους καναπεδες!!!)

Don't laugh.It happens. I've heard other 'polite' members of my and other relatives gossipping about other such incidents. Everything is under inspection, from the type of nuts you serve, to the glasses you serve the drinks in, to what you wear. Νot to forget the yearly question and later discussion about 'γιατι δεν εχεις στολισει το σπιτι με τις γιαγιας σου τα πετσετακια?Κριμα.." (whoever created πετσετάκια and thought of putting them on any and EVERY flat surface in the house was TRULY not well in the head!!!) This is not a celebration.It's more like the Inquisition!!

This year i don't have to worry about if the top shelf on my bookcase doesn't have all the books perfectly aligned or if every single cupboard in the kitchen is well organized.There's always a cupboard somewhere that we just shove things in and it ALWAYS happens to get opened when the room is full of people and the Tupperware just comes crashing to the floor and you try to find an excuse like "ΑΧ!! αυτα τα παιδια μου!!!παντα μου πειραζουνε τα ντουλαπια!!!" and my mother-in-law (ex mother-in-law actually..i wonder,do all of the relatives from your ex husband's side become ex-es now? ex-brother-in-law?ex-this?ex-that?) ALWAYS happened to be there at that exact moment and i knew i had lost a few points in the νοικοκυρα department.

This year I'm not going to celebrate. Besides the fact that it's a weekday (thank god!),this year I'm in a new social category. I have the capital D stamped on me, just like they used to do in the New World when women would commit adultery and had to wear a red capital A on them. I'm d i v o r c e d. (separated actually but same difference)

You know, I think that most married couples are afraid of other couples who have separated. Maybe they think it's contagious. There is no other explaining it. Everyone has just seemed to disappear(except for a limited number of friends).Apart from a few awkward phone calls with very uncomfortable long gaps of even more awkward pauses of silence, people don't know what to say. They just look at you with pity in their eyes and say 'κουραγιο' as if I've gotten some kind of incurable disease. Even though it's ridiculous and shows how more ridiculous people are, it's really quite funny though and i get out of having to get the whole house ready for public inspection because of it!!!

But still,it does seem strange. It has been a habit that I've been used to doing for almost fifteen years and habits are the things that remind you that things have changed. Some habits make you feel good and warm like every morning,when i get up,i turn on the radio without even a second thought. But loosing your sense of pattern sometimes makes you feel a bit down in the dumps. For a moment or two of course because then i remember that i don't have to serve anyone with a ridiculous tray this year and then i feel much better!!!

So χρονια μου πολλα και να με χαιρομαι!!and i try to you know. I'm proud that my head is in the clouds most of the times and my feet don't touch the ground when i walk unless I'm getting ready to fall..then i step on my tip toes but just because sometimes i have to...

"Ακομα..."

κοιταω διπλα μου...
εκει εισαι..

σου μοιραζομαι τα ωραια..
τα ομορφα..
τα χαρουμενα..
οι γεματες απο ελπιδα σκεψεις μου..
τα πιο τρελα μου ονειρα..

κοιταω διπλα μου..
εκει εισαι..

ακομα..

σου λεω τις στεναχωριες μου..
σου λεω τα παραπονα μου..
τις πικρες μου..
τις λυπες μου..
κλαιω πανω σου ωρες ατελειωτες..
μεχρι να γινει μουσκεμα ο ωμος σου...
σε ζαλιζω με τα ατελειωτα μου..
σου σπαω την υπομονη σου..

κοιταω διπλα μου..
εκει εισαι..

ακομα..

σου φωναζω..
σου θυμωνω..
σε θεωρω δεδομενο..
σε ζηλευω..
σε προσβαλω με την ανωρημοτητα μου..
σε φτανω στα ακρα σου..
σε πληγωνω..
και παλι σε πληγωνω..

κοιταω διπλα μου..
εκει εισαι..

ακομα..

σε κανω να με αμφισβητησεις..
σε κανω να με κοιτας με απορια..
σε κανω να μη μισεις..
να μη θελεις να μου μιλησεις..
να μη θελεις ουτε να με δεις..
εστω και για λιγο..

ετσι νομιζω..

αλλα οταν κοιταω διπλα μου..
εκει εισαι..

ακομα..

οπως παντα...

και σευχαριστω...

Άφησέ με Παιδί Μου..Παίζω...

Playing on the PC this morning,my four year old and highly opinionated daughter came up to me and asked what I was doing.

"Παίζω γλυκιά μου," της απάντησα.

She stared at me for a moment and then started to laugh with all her heart.

"Τι γελάς καλέ; Παιδάκι δεν είμαι και εγώ;¨"

Her laughing continued some more and then she became a bit serious and looked at me under all her hair that was in her eyes, put both hands an her hips and spread her legs apart a bit..she looked like my mom at that moment and I felt like I was once again twelve and getting busted for doing something.

"Aαααααα!!!!!Τι λες;;;Δεν είσαι παιδί!!! Είσαι μαμά!!!"

I sat stunned and looked at this small monster that I helped create..

I picked her up and gave her a hug while she started to laugh again in a silly way. She knew she had me then. She felt she had indeed won with her last words.

I was left with the thought though.
Could my four year old be trying to put sense into me?
To be giving me the hint to kind of grow up?

I put her back down and thought about it.

No way...

Though being a mom is something that can't be compared to anything else..
One of the 'good things' on my lists of achievements..
I think I'll keep the kid part in me as well..
Kαι ας μου κάνει την 'εξυπνη' η μικρή μου..
και ας μου κάνει παρατήρηση...
I'll just be the 'youngest' mom alive..
Μου πάει γάντι..

It's more fun being a kid anyways...

"Καλώς Τους..."

THEY're back...

i thought i had put THEM away...

i thought i had folded them all away and put them in my closet...far in the back...where they couldn't get all mixed up and in a mess again..where i wouldn't see them and so i wouldn't have to deal with THEM again...

wrong though...

just like in my closet..nothing remains folded and organized for a long time...i always have a way of turning everything upside down..

so what was neatly tucked away in the back..

is right in front of my face again..

THEM...

i thought that we had made a pack..a secret agreement that that was IT..
that whatever we had decided was settled and that's the way things would be from now on..

THEY didn't keep their part of the decision though...

and now THEY'RE here again keeping me up at nights...

and I'm looking at my cell phone again expectantly...not exactly sure what i want to see...

not exactly sure what exactly it is i want..again..

this makes me so angry though!!!

why do THEY do these things to me?? why do i let them??

but now that THEY'RE back..they'll be here to 'torture' me a bit..

and i'll probably go through many more sleepless nights..

and i'll let myself think different things again...go through all the different situations that I've already gone through so many times before...

and because I'm such a sucker i'll remember less this time..remember less of the bad things that have happened...pain does have a way of leaving my mind..it's sometimes so shitty not to be able to keep any kind of grudge..not to be able to put any kind of wall around yourself..even if it's just a small one..just for appearance sake..

all of this because THEY came back...

but who am i kidding??

I'm the one who brought THEM back..

my mind working in overtime did...

my heart having lost that certain 'beat' that used to be there...

damn seconds thoughts...

damn THEM...

Second thoughts...

who invited YOU to come back anyways???

Σκεψεις Μιας Συγχυσμένης Bi...(Bilingual Εννοούσα...GOTCHA!!!)

Λοιπόν. Παίρνω μια βαθιά ανάσα και ξεκινώ.

Είπα να γράψω ακριβώς τι σκέφτομαι απόψε...το μόνο πρόβλημα είναι πως όλες οι σκέψεις μου είναι ενα κουβάρι από Greek and English together. Εκεί που ξεκινάει μία πρόταση ή σκέψη στα ελληνικά,τελειώνει κάπως στα αγγλικά και vise versa of course.

Είναι μεγάλο μπέρδεμα να μπλέκεις δυο γλώσσες. Everything started when i was growing up in the States.(please,don't throw things at the screen!!! My parents decided to move there..I was not asked!) Anyways,στο σπίτι μας απαγορευότανε ΑΥΣΤΗΡΑ any kind of use of English. My parents had secret 'wiring' everywhere and could hear when my brothers and sisters and I dared to speak 'the forbidden language." "ΤΙ ΑΚΟΥΣΑ????" φώναζε με φρίκη η μητέρα μου από το πουθενά..κάγκελο μέναμε όλοι μας.."How the hell did she hear us?" λέγαμε όλοι μεταξί μας. It still remains a mystery.

So,as you can imagine balancing two worlds was not very easy. Με το που πατάγαμε πόδι εκτός σπιτιού,αμέσως κάναμε exchange back to 'normal' language...god knows whatever normal was!!

Βέβαια,θα μου πεις πως έτσι 'μάθαμε΄(ας το πούμε έτσι for argumentative purposes!) τα Ελληνικά και μπορούσαμε να πούμε δύο κουβέντες βρε αδελφέ, όταν ερχόμασταν στα πάτρια εδάφη τα καλοκαίρια αλλά μαζί με τα 'κανονικά μας ελληνικά (please be kind when i say things like this!),φέρναμε μαζι μας και our new and improved Greek that ONLY Greeks who lived in the United States could understand.Να πω μερικά? Let me see...boxia was a common word(meant boxes),as was billia (alias the word bills),and of course a great favourite of mine and all my relatives here was the carpeto (which means carpet or rug)and an all time classic is ta brakia (which NATURALLY meant car brakes!!!)

As a result of all this linguistic confusion while growing up, είμαι ακόμη in confusion even now, as an adult. Μετράω χρήματα ΜΟΝΟ στα αγγλικά και μοιάζω με ψώνιο στο supermarket counting up the money to pay and mumbling to myself "ten,twenty,thirty...". As for directions,that's ANOTHER thorn in my side!! Αριστερά μου λένε στα ελληνικά, right my head understands and the other way around. Αλλάζω ελληνικά ρήματα με English endings and naturally again, the other way around. Όταν θελώ να βριστώ άγρια, ΜΟΝΟ στα ελληνικά μου βγαίνει πιο 'καλό'..πιο 'κακό'..πιο 'πρόστυχο' (μάλλον μας πάει πίο πολύ σαν λαός..δεν ξέρω!), όπως και ολά τα γλυκόλογα. Μου ακούγεται ridiculous να πω "babes, muffin,my sweet pudding' and all those gastronomical metaphors that Americans use to show love. Give me a break!!! 'Μωρό μου' και πάλι 'μώρο μου'!!!

Then again, Greek is such a difficult language that i will NEVER learn how to use it correctly and the spelling sometimes seems like its written in cryptic style. Βέβαια,υπάρχει πάντα η κατάλληλη λέξη στα ελληνικά όταν θέλεις να περιγράψεις αυτό στο συγκεκριμένο,το κάτι especially specific που δεν υπάρχει πάντα στα αγγλικά (seldom I'd say fits better).

So what's my point?Σύγχυση θα έλεγα says it all!!!

I'm now going to bed...it's been a really long one today and I've had a few beers too many I'd say..thanks for sticking this out with me..νομίζω πως μερικές φορές θα γράφω έτσι..potpourri style..why not?έτσι σκέτεται και το μυαλουδάκι μου τις πιο πολλές φορές..μια έτσι...μια αλλοιώς...

I wonder in what language I talk in my dreams at night? Ηmmmm....Ποτέ δεν το θυμάμαι αυτό....



ps Inspiration should be accredited when possible.My inspiration was another blog writer named Tinkerbell, whose writings are surely one of the best forms of self expression I have ever read in Greek.